so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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