I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
