Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
