i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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