Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
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