I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
You ruined the universe
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
