I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Randomize
