Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
