I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
