Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
