you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
