home. puking in laundry basket.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Randomize
