I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Randomize
