I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Randomize
