if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
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