Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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