And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize