this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
i drank out of a bidet.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Randomize