another moral hangover. fuck.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
