just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Randomize
