It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
