My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Randomize
