Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
