i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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