dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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