My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
