I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
