fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
