Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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