she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
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