How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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