Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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