Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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