Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
