it's too hot outside to masturbate.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
