he shaved USA in his pubs
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Randomize
