She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
