My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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