we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
