come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize