I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
