The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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