i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
