i just wanna soil my oats bro
now i know why i became what i already was.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
