My room smells like vodka and shame
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
