She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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