I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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