His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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