Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
