you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
