She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
