Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize