Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
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