At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Randomize
