this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize