if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize