yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
as a side note pls kill me
Randomize
