I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
is wine microwaveable?
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
