i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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