stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
