State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
